Monday, November 19, 2007

Had to share.

My good friend, Kristal, passed this funny along to me today and I had to share it with you.

"How to know whether or not you want kids"-

Mess Test
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.-

Toy Test
Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (you may substitute roofing tacks if you wish). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold and take off shoes. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.-

Grocery Store Test
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.-

Dressing Test
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.-

Feeding Test
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from theceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls ofso ggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane.Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.-

Night Test
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand.Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm, begin to waltz and hum with the baguntil 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00pm. Get up, pickup your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00am. Set alarm for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.-

Ingenuity Test
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.-

Automobile Test
For get the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the CD player. Take a family-size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a rake along both side of the car. There,perfect!-

Physical Test (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes.Leave it there for 9 months. Then remove the beans. And try not to noticeyour closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while.-

Physical Test (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerkto help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the headoffice and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.-

Final Assignment
Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, and toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

So funny, yet true....... Can you relate to one more than the others? Sadly, I can relate to them all.


Mom2fur said...

Yep, it looks familiar to me! I like the last one. I always say people who make snide remarks either don't have kids...or have forgotten what it was like!

Jill said...

I wouldn't sign up for any of this, but somehow the thought of darling babies that were half me and half Randy totally shnockered us into procreating.